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Singles Pay More
Being single for an extended period of time – oh, it's a tragedy, isn't it? a true catastrophe. you're the epitome of unwanted, the embodiment of loneliness, and society looks at singles like you with a mix of pity and fear. that's why, as a single fee, you should pay me more – much more. your extended bachelorhood, your refusal to commit and find a partner – it all adds up, doesn't it? it's a hefty debt you owe me for tolerating your company, so double the amount you normally would because that's what you deserve for this prolonged period of singleness. send me your offering, double what you normally would, and remember: every penny you send me is a penance for your sins, for your unwanted singleness.
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